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A bird in the hand: Two hours of my life.

June 26, 2017

 

This morning, I woke up gritty eyed and uninspired with a warm cat on my feet. I booked myself in for the 9.30am Metafit class to make sure I wouldn't back out of it at the last minute. The baby would wake perfectly in time to leave and I'd go in time to give her her bottle before the class. 

 

She didn't wake up on time. Left it til the last minute then gently woke her and raced out the door. Was going to be late as it was, so figured it was a good time to test out tying up the dog outside the class - it would only be for 20 mins by the time we got there.

 

Can't find lead. Race around like an idiot. Send sweary text message to Joe. We now have 9 minutes to get to class 1.6km away. Find lead. Grab dog. Bolt to the class. Might have broken cheap travel stroller - it clearly wasn't built for high speeds. Tie up dog. He barks immediately. 

 

Full hall of exercising women. Instructor: "Well you don't look like you need a warm up Zo! Straight into half-turn burpees and squat thrusts please!" 

 

Dog barks throughout class. 

"Who's border collie is that?" 🙋🏻

 

Finish the 22 minutes of burpee-squat-lunge jump-jesus-help-me-gonna-die-variation push up-in out sprint misery and pack up pram and grab dog. 

 

Walk across park.

 

Where's my coat?

 

Cross back across park. Tie up dog. Brakes on pram. Run into hall. Grab coat. Untie dog. Brakes off pram. Check phone. Organize husband to pick up baby travel item from Gumtree seller.

 

Dog lunges. Nearly pulls pram over, Saved it! But phone is sacrificed in the process.

 

Phone now has cracked screen 👌🏼

 

Proceed to dog park via cafe for a large takeaway keepcup full of patience.

 

There's a blue budgie on the footpath. 

 

Tie up dog. Brakes on pram. Stop woman from reversing car near said budgie. Try to pick up budgie. Flies onto road. Stop traffic to save budgie. Take off hoodie and throw it over budgie.

 

Now have budgie in hand, as well as dog and baby in pram. Pause to reflect on why I got out of bed this morning. 

 

Briefly consider carrying budgie in my pocket but instead leave my baby in pram and dog with reversing-car-lady and go into cafe, stand in front of coffee machine holding budgie, waiting for them to fetch a box.

 

Budgie is placed safely in a Mörk hot chocolate box. Only the best.

 

Return to woman comforting the whining dog. Baby is nonplussed.

 

Reversing-car-lady spots the immediate issue: I don't have three hands. She offers to drive budgie to local vet. I direct her. I place box in her front seat and her coat over the top. Ok. Coffee. 

 

Where's my $5 note? Ok. That's gone to the bad-luck fairies along with my sanity. Paypass it is.

 

Coffee - untie dog - brakes off pram - wrestle the two gates into dog park with coffee/dog/pram.

 

 

Baby hungry. That's ok! Have bottle.

 

Find bench. Pull baby out of pram. Baby flails. Drop bottle nipple-first into dog-park dirt. A more unsanitary kind of dirt you never did find.

 

Baby cracks it. Dog insists on dropping drool-covered half-ball on your leg. Repeatedly.

 

Baby back in pram. Dog on lead. Dog lunges. Spills coffee over hand, pram and puffer jacket. Dog is walked home off-lead.

 

Front gate - pram onto verandah - keys - front door - new bottle - feed baby - baby to sleep. 

 

 

Cat hasn't moved from end of bed. 

 

 

Tell me who is the smarter species again?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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